Merry Christmas 2012

It has been a very VERY full year for the Smith Clan.

We had a couple of sad events this spring. My cousin Elizabeth passed away far too soon and just a week before her daughter Brittany’s Wedding.  Not more than a month after my Uncle Bill was killed in an auto accident.  He and my Aunt were on their way to the cemetery to place flowers on Elizabeth’s grave.   Death hurts but a sudden unexpected death hurts in a different way and as the Pastor said at my uncles funeral “Bill’s death was a shock to the system because it is a bolt of lightning that came when there wasn’t a cloud in the sky”.  As I am writing this the families in Newtown, Connecticut understand this far to well.

Fortunately we have many happy family events to help us with the sting of the loss.  Dave’s mom finished up her Radiation and Chemo in January and all test for Cancer have been negative.  Lauren graduated from 8th grade, Jordan had a tremendous freshman year and we  had the joy of two family weddings this fall.

Biggest change in the Smith Clan this year was Lauren joining Jordan at Middleton High School.  We now have two high schoolers and  you may ask what that is like?

Well……..

I can text. Yes I tried calling out for my kids, even used their middle names and still nothing.  Now when I need my teens attention I just text them.  You might be saying Lisa I text my teen too and they ignore that.  Well I have two words for that “phone bill” we pay it and you answer it.  Jordan is to be given an “A” for effort when he actually blamed me for losing his phone in French class because, I texted him.  Hahahaha

Speaking of cell phones….Jordan has been spending his teen years trying to get rid of his phone.  First he dropped it, on concrete.  Then he bought a replacement.  You may be thinking a poor teenager who has to part with all that money is going to take such good care of that phone and that teen would never leave his phone unattended in his backpack in the highest theft area for cell phones (high schools).  Wrong answer!  So now iphone-less Jordan gets an old phone of moms (still an iPhone).  Now Jordan must be thinking I’ve broken one, had one stolen, what else can I do to rid myself of this technology?  The answer H2O.  Jordan, while retrieving a golf ball from a pond, wades in with his phone in the pocket.  The good news, he retrieved a $5 Titlest Pro V1.  Bad news not enough rice to dry out the phone.  Jordan then has to use moms old, old, maybe original, iPhone.  The horror.

My mudroom is messier than yours.  We have stinky smelly gear from what ever sport is in season, a quantity of shoes rivaling Imelda, and dance bags for two teams.  I should have febreze pumped into my house ala Hollister. I thought I was so smart when I designed this house and put the laundry room upstairs right by the kids rooms.  Apparently when you have teens you need to put a laundry room in your mud room too and maybe even the car!

I am deaf.   I went to an audiologist several years ago and have hearing loss in the middle range (conversation) and at some point I will need to get a hearing aide. This all happened BEFORE Jordan discovered the power of a good amp and speakers.  His bass has knocked things off the walls. Now what ever hearing I had is totally gone.  So if you say hi to me and I just walk by like I can’t be bothered with the likes of you, please don’t take it personally and just text me next time. 🙂

My closet is empty.  Have you seen the show “What Not to Wear?  It’s a show where a guy and girl ambush peoples closets and make fun of their clothes and then throw it all in a trash can.  They then give them a couple thousands of dollars and watch them shop via hidden cameras to make sure they don’t buy heinous clothes.  Well I don’t need Stacy and whoever the guy is I have Lauren the harshest fashion critic ever.  I am not kidding when I say I took 13 bins of clothing to goodwill and still I get that “you’re not wearing that” look.

I am at the Mobil in my jammies.   Jordan won’t be 16 until February, and Lauren not till June 2014 so often I get a text can you come get me at a ridiculous hour.  I know I will still be up when they are driving themselves but at least then I won’t have to worry about running into my neighbors in my pj’s.

I have absolutely no cash in my wallet for more than a few hours.  If you have a teen you get me, if you’re not there yet, be prepared. There are the incidentals and the askadentals.  Seriously it never stops and yes I say no  A LOT.  I almost saw an end to the hemorrhaging of money when Lauren was offered a job when she was shopping at Ambercrombie. The manager even went to get her an application.  Apparently I was saying my hallelujahs too soon, as the top of the application clearly stated that you have to be 18 to work there.  Seriously does my girl who just turned 14 look 18?!

I know the difference between Rachet and Bat Sh*t.  Remember the movie Airplane?  There were two African Americans talking and the flight attendant couldn’t understand them, then a nun across the aisle said she spoke “Jive” and proceeds to translate.  I speak Jive…….well todays jive thanks to Urban Dictionary I’m gucci and won’t be making those cold a$$ honky  mistakes like my brah at dinner the other night.

Lauren is using her front camera on her phone as a mirror at the table.
Dave:  What are you doing?

Lauren: I look rachet

Dave: You look like bat sh*t???

Convos like that <<<<<#hellabad

In all seriousness the teen years are a lot of fun and more times than not you will catch us crying from laughing so hard.

Wishing you and yours the time to pause and enjoy a  Very Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year!

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